Me: *sitting at my work computer on the couch, trying to actively participate in a Zoom meeting. My boss gives me the que to start rambling at length. The familiar pang of panic begins to coarse through my veins and I open my mouth to speak*

Ayanna: MOOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY BRANDON CALLED ME ‘TURDS’! *begins wailing to the heavens*

Brandon: BUT, I ONLY CALLED HER ‘TURDS’ BECAUSE IT’S REALLY FUNNY!! *begins sobbing for his own reasons*

My boss: Tatiana? Do you need to step away for a moment?

Me: *opens my mouth to feign calmness and explain that no one is being murdered and there’s nothing to see here*

Brandon: MOMMMMMMMMYYYY! AYANNA JUST CALLED ME POOP BECAUSE I CALLED HER TURDS *continues to sob*

Me: “Do you mind if we reschedule?”